Four Tons of Wet Hay

Life is full of choices.

Some choices are easy, most are hard. It’s impossible to forsee the consequences or benefits of what you choose. The only possibility is to make a choice, jump in with both feet and enjoy or tolerate the ride.

Yep, it was totally my idea to put the four tons of hay on the floor of the barn. It seemed like a good enough place to put it. It would be in a location that it could be used and it was nice and warm, inside, covered and dry. The person I bought it from even delivered it and stacked it for me, yep, right where I told him to. We’d had pallets laying around, but it was silly to try to use them they’d just be in the way. All it took was 6 inches of rain in a 24 hour period for me to learn that those pallets DID have a use and that the decision to put the hay in that exact location was a losing decision.

And so, rather than write off my losses, I had to set the worst example for my children and overreact. Rather than put them in their snug beds, I thought it would be good to drag them out into the barn in the rain and the cold so that we could milk the cow and “save the hay.” Of course, this just resulted in some grumpy kids and a grumpy mom that ended up yelling at the kids. So I failed to get the cows and the goats milked, I failed as a mom and we still didn’t save the hay. Was that a sign to give up, nope. I sent the kids off to bed and decided that I would single handedly move 4 tons of wet hay to another wet location in the barn. With tears in my eyes, determination in my heart and a single hay hook in my hand, I started off to do that. One and a half tons of hay later, I’ve dragged everything through the water and I’m tired as all heck. I dig the hay hook into a bale and haul with all my might to pull it off the stack. Instead of the bale moving, the hay hook tore out of the bale and I fell backwards off the stack of hay into 3 inches of soggy wet water. I lay there crying, wet, injured and sobered. It was only then that I realized that sometimes you just have to give up and walk away. Some things are just not worth it.

I grew up on a farm and farming always seemed easy and simple to me. My family had already had a generations’ experience in farming, so maybe that helped, but I remember life on the farm being plesant. I’m sure there were difficulties and that I was mostly protected from them, but it still seemed simple. Fast forward twenty years, and I was dreaming about having a place of my own. Funny how farming seems lovely and romantic until you are actually out there DOING it. In my daydreams, it was always a nice sunny 70 degrees, the sun was warm and there was plenty of green grass. Of course I seemed to skip the parts about frozen water buckets, flooded barns, lost crops or a sick animals. These are all hard things, and choosing the path to take when you encounter them is the key to success.

Even though I’ve been around farming my whole life, I’ve never been the one to call the shots. I was never at the helm making the decisions, I was always a crew mate happily spending time with the animals. It’s different now, and I’m finding the entire weight of decision making on my shoulders. It’s a lot different to call the shots and have to live with the consequences that those decisions bring about.

The rain is still coming down, and there is more expected tomorrow. I think the best thing to do at this point is to call the wet 1.5 tons of hay lost and try to make up the money to replace it somehwere else on the farm. It’s much easier to enjoy the rain as I listen to it in my bed intersperesed by the breaths of my sweet baby boy. Sometimes the right decision is to decide not to react, to keep a light heart and to walk away.

And though I’ve made this sound all difficult and tough, it is. That still doesn’t mean I’d rather be doing anything else. I face challenges every day, just like anyone else who is alive. I still couldn’t find anything more satisfying to spend my time on.

Goodnight for now.